Marriage Law Is Challenged as Equaling Discrimination

Written by April on May 7th, 2010

New York Times, BOSTON — Nancy Gill has worked for the Postal Service for almost 23 years. But because she is married to a woman, she cannot provide the same health benefits to her spouse that her co-workers at the post office can provide for their families.

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Wendy Madea/The Boston Globe
Mary L. Bonauto speaking Thursday outside the federal courthouse in Boston.

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Times Topic: Same-Sex Marriage, Civil Unions, and Domestic PartnershipsMs. Gill, 51, and Marcelle Letourneau, 47, married in Massachusetts in 2004 and are the lead plaintiffs in a suit challenging the federal law — the Defense of Marriage Act, known as DOMA — that defines marriage as being between a man and a woman. The women, who live in Bridgewater, Mass., are challenging the section that denies marriage-related benefits to same-sex couples, saying they are being denied equal protection under the law.

The case, filed in March 2009, was argued Thursday in Federal District Court here before Judge Joseph L. Tauro. It is the first major challenge to the act and is likely to end up before the Supreme Court.

Mary L. Bonauto, director of the civil rights project for Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, argued on behalf of the couple and 15 other plaintiffs, calling the case “a classic equal-protection issue.”

Ms. Bonauto said that the purpose of the act was to “show that same-sex marriage was immoral” but that it ended up hurting such couples by making them pay twice for health insurance, for example, or denying them death benefits.

The Obama administration’s Justice Department was in the position of defending the law, just as it had done in a case last year, even though Barack Obama had called during the 2008 presidential campaign for repealing it. Advocates for gay rights have said they have little hope that Mr. Obama will actively seek a repeal, given the political climate and the priority of other issues.

Scott Simpson, arguing for the government on Thursday, opened by acknowledging the administration’s opposition to the act, but saying he was still obliged to defend its constitutionality.

“This presidential administration disagrees with DOMA as a matter of policy,” Mr. Simpson said. “But that does not affect its constitutionality.”

The act was passed by Congress and signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996.

Mr. Simpson, who asked the judge to dismiss the case, said Congress was initially motivated to pass the act because one state, Hawaii, was starting to consider whether to legalize same-sex marriage. And now that five states and the District of Columbia have legalized it, he said, the act spares the government the trouble of keeping track of different laws in different states.

To that argument, Ms. Bonauto told the court, “We’re not talking about mom-and-pop operations here; we’re talking about the federal government.”

A ruling in favor of the plaintiffs would not legalize same-sex marriage in states that have not done so, but it would give same-sex couples in all states access to benefits and protections available to other married couples.

Outside the courthouse after opening arguments were finished, Ms. Gill said of Mr. Simpson’s assertion that the administration disagreed with the act, “That’s sort of a victory for me because I think the federal government knows that it’s wrong, and I think it’s going to change.”

Ms. Bonauto said she did not view the government as “rolling over.”

“It’s really a question for them of institutional integrity to continue to defend the constitutionality of statutes,” she said. “That’s what they’ve done here.”

A case in California argues that there is a fundamental right for anyone, including same-sex couples, to marry, but the one here is focused more narrowly on the denial of protections and benefits to such couples.

Divorced Father Arrested for DUI While Driving Toy Barbie Car

Written by April on April 20th, 2010

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267136/Father-banned-driving-getting-wheel-toy-Barbie-car-drunk.html

As a means of transportation it left something to be desired in terms of comfort and street cred. And when police asked the driver to pull over, the Barbie car, with its top speed of 4mph, was hopeless as a getaway vehicle.

Paul Hutton, 40, is regretting his impromptu roadtrip after he was arrested for drink-driving when he tried to take the battery- operated child’s toy to a friend’s house.
‘Complete twit’: Paul Hutton, pictured carrying the steering wheel and seat of the children’s toy he drove while drunk, has been banned from driving for three years

Yesterday he admitted he had been a ‘complete twit’ after he was banned from driving and given a 12-month conditional discharge by magistrates.

The 6ft-tall father of four said that an adult needed to ‘be quite a contortionist to get in’ the 4ft by 2ft white and pink jeep, which is designed for fans of the popular girls’ doll.
‘I’m not unhappy with my punishment, just surprised,’ he said. ‘It needn’t have gone to court. Possibly the police arrested me for something to tell the grandchildren.’

Mr Hutton, a divorcee from Jaywick, in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex, is a former RAF aeronautical engineer who studies electric engineering at the Colchester Institute.

Toy vehicle: Mr Hutton was caught drunk at the wheel of this electric Barbie car. He took the Barbie car home after finding it abandoned ten years ago and has been tinkering with it ever since. About eight months ago he started rebuilding it with his eldest son Simon, 17, who is doing a car mechanics course.

Modifications to the vehicle – which is aimed at three to five-year-olds and runs on a 12v battery – include adding larger wheels and changing its body colour from pink to white.
Mr Hutton had been drinking on March 28 when he decided to show the jeep off to a friend who lives just 500 yards away.
Police spotted him at 9pm with his knees tucked up under his chin ambling along Brooklands Road, which is named after the motor racing circuit.

He was arrested when he ignored warnings for him to stop and tried to make a very slow getaway. ‘The police car came up alongside me and the officer said, “Are you all right there?”‘ he said. ‘When I tried to talk I realised how drunk I was.
‘A lot of burble came out. There was a dispute at first between the officers as to what the legalities of it were. Then they decided I was to be done for drink-driving.
‘I was taken to Clacton police station and breathalysed. I was released at about 5.30am. I really didn’t realise I should be doing it. ‘I knew that it was daft but I didn’t realise it was a criminal thing to do.’

Mr Hutton admitted drink-driving on Friday after magistrates in Colchester heard he had 89mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood, more than twice the 35mg limit. He was given a three-year ban because he had received another drink-drive ban within the previous ten years. He was also ordered to pay £85 costs.
Chairman of the bench Neil Munson said: ‘This is most unusual. I have never seen the like of it in 15 years on the bench.
‘The vehicle is not even capable of doing the speed of a mobility scooter and could be outrun by a pedestrian.’

Ten Tax Breaks for Parents

Written by April on March 11th, 2010

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Bucks: Ten Tax Breaks for Parents

http://bucks.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/09/ten-tax-breaks-for-parents/

By By JENNIFER SARANOW SCHULTZ
Published: March 9, 2010
Here are 10 ways the tax code benefits parents by helping to defray the costs of adopting, raising and educating children.

Barry Bonds’ Wife Files for Divorce in LA

Written by April on March 11th, 2010

Barry Bonds’ Wife Files for Divorce in LA
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Court records show Barry Bonds’ wife of 12 years has filed for divorce in Los Angeles600-00847743

TIPS FOR GOOD FATHERS IN BAD CUSTODY DISPUTES

Written by April on March 5th, 2010

Written By April D. Jones © 2010, All Rights Reserved

Divorces are sad and hard on everybody in the family. This is especially true in historically “traditional” households where Mom primarily stays home with the kids and cares for the house and the dog, picks the curtains, sets the play dates, makes the dental appointments, makes the lunches, and volunteers at the school – while Dad works long hours to pay for the house, the dog, the curtains, the braces, the groceries, the play dates, the private school, etc.

In this family model, Dad relies on Mom to update him on the days’ happenings. She fills him in on the kids’ schedule and needs; she tells him everything from “how it went at the orthodontist” to the size of the new shoes she just bought for their toddler. Armed with his update, Dad comes home from work, tells the toddler how pretty her new sparkly shoes are and makes her squeal while he tickles her and tells her what a big girl she is. He then asks his middle-schooler how the orthodontist visit went and they both laugh when she smiles to show him her new lime and orange rubber band combo. Sound familiar?

This division of labor works amazingly well when the parenting team is intact; when each team member knows his role and plays his position. However, when the team splits up and a divorce and custody battle ensues…yikes! Now Mom claims she has done everything for the children and Dad has done nothing. She tells her attorney that Dad never takes the kids to the doctor for their check ups, doesn’t know their teachers and only ever cooks pancakes (and only on Pancake Sundays). Sure the kids adore him and think he’s an awesome Dad but Mom says that’s because of how she worked to keep him in the know. Without her (and he is, in fact, without her now), he knows nothing about the kids. How can he care for them? He works all the time…and so on and so on.

This situation is not insurmountable. In fact, with a little effort and purpose, you can change the situation easily and forever. What you can’t do when a custody battle
is brewing is “Nothing”. You must recognize that divorce changes the roles for everybody. Mom will most likely have to get a job and figure out how to balance working and single. Dad has to figure out how to balance working and single. Here are some steps that will help protect your parental rights

Get familiar with your children’s school. This can be done at anytime. Start tomorrow if you can:
• Know the name of your child’s teachers.
• Visit your child’s school.
• Meet with their teacher.
• Arrange to meet the teacher monthly if your child needs additional attention and you want to stay abreast of the child’s progress.
• Know how they are doing in school. Are they turning in homework? Are they doing well? How are they getting along with the other kids? Do they seem happy or sad or quiet now that things are changing at home?
• Let the teacher know that they can call you at anytime and that you are 100 percent interested in how your child is doing.
• Sign up to be a chaperone on a field trip – just one if it’s not really your thing or you don’t have time. It gives the teachers a chance to know you in a more child centered social setting and gives you an opportunity to shine as a parent to both the teachers and your child.
• Make sure the school has your address and contact information, if it has changed.
• Make sure you are on the emergency contact list.
• Make sure you are set up in their system to get report cards, notices, etc.

Medical Providers:
• Know the name and location of your child’s doctor, dentist, therapist, etc.
• Try to attend routine checkups, if you can. If Mom is still the primary scheduler, ask her to schedule the annual check-ups at a time when you can both attend.
• For appointments that occur during your parenting time, plan to take them to the visits yourself as often as you can.
• Purpose to introduce yourself to all of their providers, even if they do not have check-ups in the near future.
• Let their providers know they can contact you at any time and that you are 100 percent interested in how your child is doing.
• If your child has ongoing scheduled treatments, ask questions and get up-to-date on the treatment plan and follow your child’s progress.
• Make sure the medical provider has your address and contact information, if it has changed.
• Make sure you are on the emergency contact list.
• Make sure you are set up in their system to get appointment notices, etc.
• Some medical providers do not like to be involved in bitter custody battles so keep them out of the fighting. You just want to be an informed, involved Dad. You don’t need to bad-mouth Mom to do this. Just be your best you!

Agreed Upon Extracurricular Activities:
• Know what activities the children are signed up for.
• Meet the coaches and the ballet teachers and the tutors.
• Take your children to practices that occur during your parenting time.
• Attend their activities, games and performances, whether they occur during your parenting time or not. This is an awesome opportunity to see your kid outside of your regular parenting time and enjoy their football games or their recitals. To avoid the tension between you and Mom, introduce yourself to other lone Dad’s at the games and still cheer your child on. By doing this you communicate that your child STILL has his or her two biggest fans and that you are both still on their team!

For more articles on children and divorce by family law attorney April D. Jones, see our blogs at www.apriljoneslaw.com and www.childcustodycolorado.com.

fathers custody children

Talking to Your Kids Beyond “How Was School Today”

Written by April on February 28th, 2010

Here’s a site with 100 suggested alternatives to “How was school today? ” Some suggested conversations ideas that I liked: …If you were a candy, what candy would you be? If you were a monster, what monster would you be? If you were a toy, what toy would you be? If you were abducted by aliens, would you tell anybody? Why or why not? If you were American/Chinese/Mexican, how would your life be different? http://iteslj.org/questions/whatif.html.  Try it and give yourselves something new to talk about everyday. The answers might amaze you!

How About A Handwriting Coach!

Written by April on February 24th, 2010
 
 
It’s not to late to Improve your handwriting. For Everyone who has always wished they had better handwriting or at least want to try to write beautifully, see this site written by a handwriting coach. It works!
 

Helping Your Children Cope With the Pain of Divorce: The Importance of Having Fun

Written by April on February 22nd, 2010

Helping Your Children Cope With the Pain of Divorce: The Importance of Having Fun

Children coping with their families being broken are often under more pressure than their parents realize. Everyone talks about how resilient children are but it can be a resilience obtained at the price of fun and whimsy and light heartedness. What appears to be resilience is often a defense mechanism that can essentially cost children much of their innocence and youthfulness. This is especially true when children have to navigate between bitter, angry, fearful or just plain sad parents who are mourning the death of the dreams they once had for themselves.

These children have to be resilient when Mom is too sad or tired to do laundry and cook because she’s coping with her new full time job and battling depression. The children have to be resilient when Dad is too silent and too frustrated with his new single parent duties that include being both the provider and the listener. Try not to assume that your children will cope on their own. They still need the attention of each parent, they still need to laugh and feel heard. They need to know that they are still special to each of you.

Purposely taking time out for fun and relaxation is a must for families (the children AND the adults) in the transition phases of divorce. “Board Games Central” at www.boardgamecentral.com is a really neat site that I love recommending to my clients in transition. The site has all the traditional board games we grew up with plus tons of other interesting games and party ideas. Games are great for kids and adults who need to relax and have fun. Check it out, get a new game and spend time with your children and/or friends laughing out loud. It will be good for you. One idea is get together with another mother/daughter or father/son team and plan a dinner mystery party for 3-5 other parent/child pairs. Teen girls love the “teen idol mystery party” dinner mystery game. The advantage of co-hosting a party is that you can let your friend do most of the work so you and your child can concentrate on enjoying yourselves and each other

How To Save Your Marriage And Still Be A Nag

Written by April on February 22nd, 2010

As a Denver family law attorney who’s heard more than my share of stories, I know for certain that a lot of fights start because of nagging. Nags fuss and hassle you repeatedly to do something. Nags can be bothersome annoying pains in the you know what. But it’s no picnic for the Nag either. The Nag is irritated, pained and bothered about having to persistently and repeatedly urge a grown up to do something that he or she should be doing anyway. Usually in a marriage , one person is mostly the Nag and the other is mostly the “Nagged”. Personally I hate the pressure of nagging but I hate being nagged too. Basically just leave me alone or if you have to bother me “ask me nicely and I’ll get to” it is my preferred way to go. The good news is that I recently came across a website that nags nicely for you. It’s a wonderful tool called “http://www.hassleme.co.uk/”. You can sign up anyone who has an email address and then hassle them about anything you want without the pressure and without the anger of traditional nagging. Using www.Hassleme.co.uk gets you “all the taste of nagging without all the calories”. You choose the frequency of the nag and the computer sends the hassles at random intervals. I hassle myself to drink water and I hassle my new business partner to work on the marketing section of our business plan. I haven’t hassled my husband yet, I’m waiting for something really good to nag about then I’m going to surprise him!

A New Way To Fight Domestic Violence: Shoot It

Written by April on February 20th, 2010

Police in Connecticut have taken a new tactic in fighting domestic violence: they have been issued digital cameras to take pictures of victims at the scene of the incident.  This resolves the many issues raised by fading bruises and victims that change their story over time.